Fear
‘Fear’ is the biggest obstacle that keeps a woman from being fully authentic. In personal sessions or at my Roundtables, women often will express:
“I’m afraid that if I say who I really am…
I’m afraid if I stand up for what I really want…
I’m afraid if I do what I really believe is right for me…”
At this point they often swallow hard and stop talking. Sometimes tears filling their eyes.
Fear.
The biggest fear voiced over and over is, “If I am fully myself, I am afraid I will lose what I love.”
That’s a big fear.
During the month Mark and I spent in South Africa training leaders, we went on a Safari. One chilly Savana dawn we found a pride of lions gorging themselves after the night’s kill. Our tracker knew this lioness and her three daughters. Bloated and bloodied they feasted, ignoring us. But lurking just beyond, was their brother. Mangy and starving he was viciously chased away every time he ventured near the carcass. He would not survive the year.
Shunned. Excluded. Certain death.
Somewhere in the dark cave of our collective past, being ‘included’ in the group was essential to survival. To be rejected, cast out or to be outside the group, for whatever reason, must have meant certain death.
And we have somehow carried this fear forward, locked in our very DNA, as my friend Heléne wrote me today. She went on to ask, “How do we free ourselves from this fear of being ourselves?”
Name your fear. Then embrace it. Have the courage to be yourself –regardless.
Ask yourself, ‘What is the worst that can happen?” Listen to the horrible answers fear whispers. Then ask yourself, “So what really happens if I am fully myself?”
A friend of mine celebrated her 45th birthday this summer by jumping out of an airplane. Why? To embrace her fear of flying, fear of heights, fear of risk. Embracing fear made her realize that this jump was the most exhilarating and freeing experience of her whole life. It made her realize how many opportunities she had missed in her life because of fear.
She now has a list of all the things she has been afraid of doing and is knocking them off one by one.
On the flip side, if you listen to the fears surrounding the risk to being fully yourself, the price will be great. You will become smaller and tighter. You will dim your light, soften your voice, and you will become someone you do not respect.
Some of our fears are real: some people will not accept who we are when we chose to live fully as ourselves. Some people will be threatened. Others will try to keep us down. Assess those relationships carefully.
But most of our fears are not real and they prevent us from living out loud, living our authentic selves.
If you are willing to be who you are meant to be, if you are willing to bring the gift of you to the world, you must face and embrace fear.
Ignore fear. Speak your truth. Stand up for what you believe. Embrace fear and turn it into energy that will propel you forward. You will free yourself and others by your own courage over fear.
Being your authentic self is a great gift, one only you can bring to the world.
Warmly,
Nancy
Love to hear your thoughts.